Thursday, October 28, 2004
Couldn't sleep the whole night.
My head is all swarmed with the similarities.
Even the way different people react is the same so why do they even still mock each other?
I'm thinking of scrapping this blog.
No use of it anyway.
Amanda left skool at 2:46 PM
***
I realise that I’m a cynic where it comes to a specific something where I should find morality.
I find no place to accept or respect somebody who takes the short-term way of responsibility or “doing good”. It seems more likely to be beneficial to the person himself and is an easier way out than doing what is beneficial in the long-term which is by helping others to break out of their vicious cycle.
Thus, you get the self-taught weak and incapable people trapped within this cycle even centuries later and the abusers of the system because of the reason of “doing good” and “responsibility”.
All of you can point fingers at each other and there’s no difference.
P.S: If you don’t know what I’m talking about, please do not even pretend to understand.
Get well bro… I need you hear your mocking laugh and tell me it’s everything is a load of bullshit…
Amanda left skool at 7:37 AM
***
Saturday, October 16, 2004
Don't Cry (Original)
(Stradlin'/Rose)
Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been here before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
there's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had... baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
there's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember
how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
An don't you cry tonight
there's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
Amanda left skool at 6:15 AM
***
Sunday, October 03, 2004
The most exciting part of the relationship is the cheating. In fact, how can anybody NOT cheat? In today’s world, it is impractical and impossible to be faithful to your partner. It would be so selfish of him/her to expect faithfulness from you. You’ll never give it to them and likewise, you don’t have the right to expect it from them.
Let’s see what types of cheating we’ve got here:
1. mental
2. emotional
3. physical
Alright let’s start off with the appetitiser – mental cheating. So what’s mental cheating? Mental cheating is whenever you start to flirt with somebody else of the opposite sex who is not your bf. Who cares man. Everybody flirts. It doesn’t matter if he’s somebody else’s bf, whether you’re touching him or giving him signals that you’re interested in him and you might get together. Flirting is harmless. Common, you wouldn’t stop another girl or guy from flirting with your partner would you? It’s so cool to see people flirting with each other, especially another person touching your partner.
And of course, there’s the other way of cheating within your mind. You lust for the guy sitting next to you in the cafeteria, the hottest guy in school, your best friend, Lana Lang in smallville, or even perhaps your partner’s sibling. Common, my partner is not hot or appealing enough for me. I need those fantasies man. My partner can have any type of fantasies that excludes me too. It’s normal. That’s how people keep their passion burning and become satisfied with each other man.
Now, emotional cheating is another step from mental cheating. Take note: you do love your partner. You just don’t know what to do because you like another person. And who says there can only be one love and you can be satisfied with only one person? Common. I need somebody to be there when my partner is not free to go out with me. Who will I have fun with man? Who will treat me in such a sweet way and buy me stuff if my bf is not there? Anyway if I have too much commitment with my bf/gf, we’ll only get sick of each other sooner and break up. I’m only doing the best for our relationship so that it lasts longer. We are two individuals, and we’re not even married yet. We should have the right to give our numbers to or see anybody else we are interested in.
Physical cheating is the juicy part. Mmmmm.. of course a dose of alcohol will do the trick. It’s always better to make out when you don’t know who you’re making out with. But likewise, since there’s no commitments in relationships, who cares? If it’s great, it’s great! Who gives a damn to what you say, fucker! =)
Amanda left skool at 4:14 AM
***
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
A person can always change his personality but not the character.
The knight who leans and whispers that he loves you and want to share his entire world with you..
And rides off with his back erect against the screams and pleas..
Every day before dusk.. back to where he belongs in his world.
Is that love?
Love which is self-sacrifical.. supposed to make you do anything and be there no matter what for your partner..
If that's not love, what is love?
Amanda left skool at 8:02 AM
***
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Finally, a short breather night..
And, i'm bored.
Amanda left skool at 6:52 AM
***
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Wow. It had been a long time since I've typed a blog entry. Or a proper entry for that matters. It must be today's weather. ;)
I had actually thought of removing this blog since I dun use it anymore. But of course it's a great feeling to YELL or NIAM NIAM whenever life gets shitty.
I had a nice talk with Peini when we went to collect our ads today. I think it's the first long decent conversation I had since a long long time.. She made me feel slightly better and more "human" about this "anti-social" feeling (though she insisted it's not) about school.
This semester has been full of degrading insults and arguments. People can make all sorts of criticism and unkind results, but I still don't understand why they have to do it just to make themselves feel better. There's no point why I should get bothered if the problem lies with them and they're just trying to make me feel bad so that they won't feel bad about it... it's like pointing fingers at others when in their subconscious mind, they know that they are at fault which had started the finger-pointing game in the first place. Haha I know there are people who doesn't like me but o well, I don't like everybody too. =)
Listening to Cannon in D Major now.. and noticing that I've changed so much from the past.. feel tired about so many things.
Just drank coffee in hope that I'll be awake to do work.
I guess it works. I do feel more alive now.
Amanda left skool at 7:04 AM
***
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
All of you are fuckers
No difference.
Amanda left skool at 10:43 PM
***
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
EVERYBODY ARE FUCKERS AND YOU CANNOT TRUST A SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
Amanda left skool at 7:14 AM
***
Monday, September 06, 2004
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kinghorses and all the kingsmen
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
Amanda left skool at 4:32 PM
***
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Hi, my name is Amanda. I adapt easily to my environment and fufill all my obligations. Want the sun and moon? Sure. Amanda can do that for you. Amanda can do anything you want her to do.
Amanda left skool at 6:39 AM
***
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Mr Crowley says:
mm.. u are different lah
Mr Crowley says:
dunno how to say
Mr Crowley says:
there's a glow
Gollum says:
u mean not so anything right?
Gollum says:
no so lonely issit?
Mr Crowley says:
yeah
Mr Crowley says:
and the way u talk
Mr Crowley says:
just happy lah
Mr Crowley says:
then i also feel happy
Gollum says:
okay
Mr Crowley says:
u become more open also
Gollum says:
good
Gollum says:
u also what
Gollum says:
same same
Thank for teaching me true friendship and bringing meaning to the phrase "I'll die for you". Thank for accepting who I am and have always taught me to be true to myself utmost before anything or anybody else. Thank for your frankness and freedom which you hand out freely.
Words can't express how happy I am for you.Or how happy I am to have you in my life.
You're my bastard angel. =)
Everybody needs a Faipang in their lives.
Amanda left skool at 10:52 AM
***
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Goddamn motherfooker bloody bitch bastard
Amanda left skool at 9:15 PM
***
Panicking.. It never seems to end. It never seems to be right.
Hellooo I have other electives too. Argh!
Amanda left skool at 5:49 PM
***
Monday, August 02, 2004
Some events are preventable; thus people won't prevent it.
Amanda left skool at 12:10 AM
***
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Click here
Amanda left skool at 10:56 PM
***
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
If you love someone, set them free.
What does nagging or reasoning have any effect anyway? No matter how much we try to help you all to be better or more mature peoplem, nothing can be done IF YOU all don't want to help yourselves.
So, I'm sick and tired of getting angry on your behalf.. running after you all like a sheepdog protecting its sheep.. nudging you all to grow up and see the bigger picture.
If you all will only learn if you stumble and fall, then let it be it. Only pain can let you see what you always had in your hands.
No matter how I feel, it's not my life.
It's yours. And you are free to screw it up whatever way you want to.
Amanda left skool at 8:45 AM
***
Monday, July 12, 2004
So tired... I need to sleep soon man...
Thoughts are running through my head. And all I can do to express them is a arghhh.
Why am I surrounded by the same type of people and yet I am so different from them? Tired of breaking in for them.
People shouldn't try too hard. To demand love, is a signal for a person to develop resentment and move away. And I'm still hanging in there.
Bet most of you wouldn't understand anyway but i dun care. Maybe I'm too sleepy now.
Love... is what I feel with FP. I...
Know that he had been avoiding me like the plague just for the FUN of it,
Know that I haven't seen him for almost a year,
Know that I can't even spend a decent hour with him even if he's in Singapore because he's too busy or lazy,
Know that he wouldn't even open his mouth to ask me about my life.
But I love him,
Because he waits for me to tell him about my life,
Because he makes me feel so much better that I dun even have to tell him about my troubles,
Because although we dun spend every single minute together, I know he has not forgotten me and still cares about me in his warped way,
Because he never demands or make me obliged to do stuff,
Because he is weird and accepts the way that I am (weird).
And even 30 or 40 years down the road (if I manage to live to that age), I can see myself nagging or screaming down the phone at his eccentric ways. Meanwhile in my heart, the affection and amusement I have for him, will still be going strong.
Amanda left skool at 2:49 AM
***
Thursday, July 08, 2004
You are going to marry Brad Pitt. He is always
friendly to anybody he ever meets and he is
very talented as an actor. He is also very
sincere and friendly. He will respect you until
the day he dies. Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (14 choices now!!)
brought to you by Quizilla
A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of
sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have
your electronics you feel you can cope. Time
goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room
hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your
favourite collection of guitar-driven
albums.
Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour,
individuality.
Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life,
action-freak spirit, reclusive nature.
Your Personality type is the only type that would
like this cool online gothic Game:
www.life-blood.vze.com
What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Nerdslut
What's your sexual appeal?
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Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the
clouds."
What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have an animal soul! Arent you lucky! You are
very interactive with animals and can
understand them even if you dont speak their
tongue. The birds arent afraid of you, deer can
eat out of your palm, and every dog will roll
over for you. As an Animal Soul, you follow
your instinct, sometimes making rash decisions,
and not thinking properly. If you dont
understand something, you reject and push it
away, and can get very disastrous when angry.
At the same time, youre a very kind person who
can make people feel better, and are
understanding and compassionate. One of the
great things about you is that your rarely
jealous, and know that you have to share and
help other people if you want to survive this
world. You are very loyal and optimistic, and
can make it through the toughest times.
What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
Phoenix:
Phoenixes are litterally birds of fire. They are
brave and majestic and have the ability to be
reborn from their own ashes. You are strog
willed an confident- a true leader. Although
you can get down in the dumps occasionaly you
are never there for long. Many people flock
around you and like you as a friend.
What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla
Congrats! Your a Pure Angel! Angels, as far as most
of them go, are all compatabile creatures, but
Pure ones simply are symbols of God. Pure
Angels always appear when a child is born, when
a rainbow is seen, or when someone shares their
first kiss. They never grow old, an can appear
in the shape of a naked woman with white, bold
wings. Pure angels are the carriers of god, and
show their love to everyone in the world.
What Kind of ANGEL are you? (For Girls only) This Quiz has amazingly Beautiful Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
Unity. You Turly Desire Unity. You wish that the
world was together as one, and world peace was
among us. You enjoy sitting in natures peaceful
spots to get away from war and hate.
PLEASE RATE
What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla
Slippers- happy, sweet, and adorable, you are well
loved by everyone. People cannot help but like
you. You love to be surrounded by people that
love you, who- in your case- is anyone. Without
people, you become upset and rather depressed
to most people's disbelief. To them, you are
always are happy, or have the appearence of
being happy even when you aren't. [please vote!
thank you! :)]
What Kind of Shoe Are You?(new and updated results!!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Amanda left skool at 3:08 AM
***
Sunday, July 04, 2004
What's Your Outlook on Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
>
target="http://take-this.feelings.kasumiko.net">Which
feeling are you?
Amanda left skool at 11:50 AM
***
Saturday, July 03, 2004
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Amanda left skool at 11:55 PM
***
Saturday, June 26, 2004
The holidays are already over!!!
I realised that I didn't do anything that was in my agenda since school ended! Haha! I most certainly didn't manage to sell popcorn or gotten any job at all. ;)
Of course I could use my sickness as an excuse. Hahaha! I'm still having a bit of a blocked nose okay!! =)
Anyway, even though I had been so slack, I wouldn't really call it an "unsuccessful" holiday. =) Accomplished things that I wouldn't really have dreamt that I could do. Or rather, maybe hoped that I would get round to it in mm... maybe another 10 years or so? Hahaha! See Reh? There's always hope.
It's amazing that when things are alright in one aspect of your life that another aspect clicks into place.
And patience really does pay off. =)
Just a little patience.
I do think I've changed a bit during the holidays too.. Well maybe not like Priya since she had said she's grown up and stuff. But yep. Definitely changed.
Otherwise, I wouldn't make fun of people I've known only for a short time right? HAHAHAHA! ;)
Amanda left skool at 6:46 AM
***
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
There are some things that nobody can ever influence me.
People can reason with me. I will definitely chew on it for awhile. And if I dun agree with it, I'll spit it out and return it with my own spit, to the giver.
I dun expect anybody to know THAT side of me. There are still times when people who had known me so long STILL thinks that I'm as I can be easily influenced in a snap.
If I was, I wouldn't be in this shit.
I think. I reason. I analyse.
Even more than most of you people.
I dun give a care of whatever you might think. I have just told someone, "dun bother. You know it's untrue."
And it's my turn to live my own advice.
Amanda left skool at 8:45 PM
***
Saturday, June 19, 2004
This following song is dedicated to Suf, Reh, Priya, Clara, Pang, Sal, Mr Teddy & Mr Teddy's friend. Hope you get my message. ;)
Patience
Guns N Roses
1,2,1,2,3,4
(whistle)
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt
You're in my heart now
Said, woman, take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said, sugar, make it slow
And we come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(patience)
Mm, yeah
I sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now
I'll wait, dear
Sometimes I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love
There's one more thing to consider
Said, woman, take it slow
And things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said, sugar, take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes
To make it, We won't fake it,
I'll never break it
'cause I can't take it
(whistle)
...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah
need a little patience, yeah
just a little patience, yeah
some more patience, yeah
need some patience, yeah
could use some patience, yeah
gotta have some patience, yeah
all it takes is patience,
just a little patience
is all you need
I been walkin' the streets at night
Just tryin' to get it right
Hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like
Being stuck in the crowd
And the streets don't change
But baby the name
I ain't got time for the game
Cause I need you
Yeah, yeah, but I need you
Oo, I need you
Whoa, I need you
Oo, all this time
(ah)
Amanda left skool at 9:13 AM
***
Friday, June 18, 2004
Okay people.. I need to know who is free on 25th May Friday 12-4pm. I signed up to help out during the graduation ceremony and I was the only year 3 there. And, there is supposed to be 5-6 people in my team, but I'm the only person that turned up. There is no way I can deal with all the VVIPs (Very Very Important People) on my own. So see who can help me k? Msg me if you can. And don't worry of looking loser-y. I'm already here. Hahaha!
Amanda left skool at 7:16 AM
***
Thursday, June 17, 2004
You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.
Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a deep and bored soul. You wear mostly dark
colors and like the comforts of your computer
and room. You meditate and love to dance. You
have a small tolerance for annoyance and
persistance parents. It takes a lot to make you
truly mad and when you are you scare the living
daylights out of people. Some find ypou strange
or scary from your shakespear mouth to your
dark personality. You would be a good dancer,
writer, or artist. Would you rate my quiz
please, it took so much hard work?
The Ultimate Personality Quiz (PRETTY PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla
You should be dating a Scorpio.
23 October - 21 November
Your mate is passionately caring, dynamic and
sensual. Though he or she can be
self-destructive, ruthless or overbearing, the
scorpion's sex life involves releasing his/her
most pent-up passions.
What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a Sylph!
The sylphs are the air spirits. Their element has
the highest vibratory rate of the four (beside
earth, fire, water). They live hundreds of
years, often reaching one thousand and never
seeming to get old. They are said to live on
the tops of mountains. The leader of the sylphs
is a being called Paralda who is said to dwell
on the highest mountain of Earth.
Sylphs often assume human form but only for short
periods of time. The vary in size and can be as
large as a human. They are volatile and
changeable. The winds are their particular
vehicle. The work through the gases and ethers
of the Earth and are kindly toward humans.
Slyphs are usually seen with wings, looking
like cherubs or fairies. Because of their
connection to air, which is associated with the
mental aspect, one of their functions is to
help humans receive inspiration. The sylphs are
drawn to those who use their minds,
particularly those in creative arts.
Which Type Of Faery Folk Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
LOVING ONE. You need safety in your relationship.
You want to be sure in his/her arms, knowing
that he will protect you and you can be totally
devoted to your other. At this point you are
very vulnerable. You open yourself and dont
even think that he/she could cheat you. You
totally trust your partner in every single way.
SO if you find out that she/he lied to you or
played a game this trust is broken. You may try
to forgive your other but this will be very
difficult.He/She has to be friendly and
trustworthy.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.
You can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
My inner child is six years old!
Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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What Finding Nemo Character are You?
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You have a heartsick soul! Youre the type of girl
who always has a crush and is writing their
name on all your books. You are a hopeless
romantic. Waiting for that prince charming, you
take love seriously, but still play any chance
you get. You can have a lot if boys who are
friends, but waiting for that perfect
boyfriend. Sometimes you are discouraged
because there are no sparks but even if the
smallest thing happens, youre on Cloud 9. You
believe in true love and wait for it. Just dont
be afraid to take a chance. Love is all about
risks.
What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
You are totally in love.You try to hide it but you
cant.You are nice and pritty in your own way
and you are a bit of a daydreamer.Have fun and
please rate my quiz.
Are you in love?
brought to you by Quizilla
Amanda left skool at 7:53 PM
***
Monday, June 14, 2004
What Name Should You Have? by Lauren
Now... if only I could change the spelling of that... ;) but since reh says eminem's "babe" is hailey, I guess its =)
Amanda left skool at 3:00 AM
***
Sunday, June 13, 2004
I went swimming around 5.15pm... swam for about an hour... on a considerably mild day... with a pool FULL of kids who had been training for an hr and a half at least... and was still training after I left...
AND GUESS WHO'S SUNBURNT NOW?
And for the one millionth time reh, NO! People are NOT supposed to get sunburnt when they swim in the late evening without applying sunblock!
Amanda left skool at 9:49 AM
***
Monday, June 07, 2004
There are some people who make mistakes and end up teaching others not to make the same mistake as them.
There are also people who make mistakes and end up making others accompany them in their misery.
And there are those who might fall into both categories.
Amanda left skool at 8:03 AM
***
Friday, June 04, 2004
O yeah. I forgot to add that I watched Carebears and Winnie the Pooh today! Cheers to the sick. And guess what Carebears taught during their Caring (or something like that) session? "To make friends, be a friend first." Wow. I have the same wavelengths as Carebears! ;)
I'll definitely make my kids in the future watch Carebears man. I'll load up on their VCDs! Or rather, it's an excuse for me to watch them. ;)
Now... If only they'll air Smurfs and Snoopy!
Which reminds me... heh heh.. SNOOPY!!!
Amanda left skool at 8:36 AM
***
I'm surrounded by bigots!!
Amanda left skool at 8:24 AM
***
Friday, May 21, 2004
I don't understand you...
If this was some time back, I'll be probably be extremely happy and excited. But this didn't happen in the past.
Why did you avoid and ignore me for so many years... and suddenly out of the blue, you want to call me and talk to me? Even msged me out of your free-will?
To be honest, I'm even having trouble believing all these now..
When you mentioned about the camp, I felt rather sad.. why haven't you talked to me like this in the past?
In the past when it meant everything, but now.. it doesn't really mean anything.
Lots of things changed for me.. I tried so hard to explain these to you. You listened.. you agreed.. you said you understood. I honestly thought we might be friends.
But looks like change is not applicable to you.. Why do you mislead my thinking.. making me think I'm influencing you finally. I knew it couldn't be true, but I seriously thought you might have been disillusioned by watever shit you might have experienced and I wouldn't know cos I'm not there.
I trusted you.. I really believed you were sincere.
When I heard the first checkmate, it was too late for other moves. I heard the consecutive checkmates that came after.
Why do you love these games so much?
Is it so hard to be friends?
You might be one of the people I respect the most (I don't know why too..) but I doubt you are going to get what you want.. And I doubt I will get what the friendship I hope out of you too..
Haha.. such an irony.. When I would have done anything to get this in the past, I want to get out of this now..
I know that you won't give up so easily. But neither would I.
Amanda left skool at 10:15 AM
***
Monday, May 17, 2004
Hahahaha everything is so biased now.
Reminds me of George Orwell's Animal Farm. Old Benjamin the donkey sums it up all: "Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."
Which of course not many people know what I'm saying or what I'm driving at. I bet almost none understood what I truly meant by that last blog. All I can say is, read Animal Farm. Hahaha but I don't think you'll understand even after that. =)
Amanda left skool at 1:02 AM
***
Friday, May 14, 2004
Maybe they don't think. Maybe they rely on inaccurate information.
In summary? Ignorance, stupidity and insensitivity.
People who live in their small world down in the well and think they know whatever shit is going round in the whole wide world.
When people have power, they think they can do watever shit they want. They don't think of the consequences. People who don't think hard enough.. masses who act according to watever the leader says just because their leader has not enough brains.
What the fuck is wrong with this world. Is this democracy for heavens' sake? You say what you bloody want and not care about the consequences? Just the selfish notion of spraying everybody with bullets and say O that's what I believe in. Anyway people make mistakes don't they?
And by the time they finally realise the damage, it's far too late.
O well. To be condemned is wat everybody should be used to isn't it? Yeah. I'm used to it.
For every single conversation I have with a certain group of people, I can feel it. I've been trying to escape it.. trying to justify it. But what the hell. People don't change their minds. People think you're wrong.
I've been thinking about it for so long... More frequently for the past few days.
I know people don't think I'm a christian. And yet all along I've thought myself as one.
I hurt to know every comment they've said about how warped my beliefs are.. how wrong I am in not going to church..
If I'm wrong, then read the bible and tell me every single thing that I've done wrong in my life. At the same time, read and tell me every single thing you've done wrong in your life.
Even I know that Jesus said let the one without sin throw the first stone. Even I, someone you say who is a wrong christian or even a non-christian can apply it to my life, then why can't you religious people who preach and think so godly about urselves do the same?
Apply this principle to your life before you open your mouth to condemn people. If you can, I will shut the hell up and give you the respect you deserve.
This struggle in my life has gone on long enough. I have enough of it. You all can't decide if I'm a christian?
I'll tell you myself. I'll declare it openly to all.
I'm no freaking christian by the definition of your "christian". So don't call me "Christian" because I won't answer to your name for christianity anymore. Don't tell me that it's my fault for being unable to seperate those christians not living the christian way of life. Because I can see none that is living the christian way of life. At least according to MY definition.
I define what I want myself to be.
I'm not accountable to anybody but God.
I believe in God and only God.
And I hereby declare that I am no longer a christian.
Thanks for pushing me to reach such a major decision for my life. Thanks to every single person who had contributed. And of cos special thanks to the christians that I have in mind.
And for those who still think I'm anti-christ (as usual), I am not. I may have all the respect for christianity as a religion. But NONE for christians, the word you have defined it to be.
Amanda left skool at 11:04 AM
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Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Woke up at 3pm... slept at 6pm again.. woke up at 7.30pm.
What a day. O well. It's better to sleep more than to sleep less isn't it? Except that I wasn't feeling well to start with and I still woke up feeling not so well. Or maybe it was cos I slept too much in the first place that I slept even more.
Today's dinner was totally unspeakable. I have never eaten potatos that were so hard that they were cracked and crumbles in your mouth. I had no idea whether to swallow or to spit it out. And so I continued to chew until I realised that it was just prolonging the agony. The best way? Down it with a drink of water... I am beginning to cast suspicious glances at my family.. uncertain whether they really ate that for dinner or not.. which reminded me.. isn't potatos one of the dishes for last night's dinner?
Oh wth. I've already eaten. So no point puking it all up again.
Feeling so damn bored.. every single day is the same. Sick of SIMS... nothing else much to read.. Want to go out except that it's too hot and feeling too anti social anyway.
Amanda left skool at 5:54 AM
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004
The morning makes all the difference. Ha.
You get a crap morning, you get a crap day and a crap night and in the end, you would just want to crumple the whole day with both hands and aim for the wastepaper basket.
You understand almost everybody.
But
Girls don't understand you.
Guys don't understand you.
You think like a guy.
You think like a girl.
And in fact to summarise it,
I can just say "Yeah. I'm weird. Enough?"
Sometimes you just want to tell the world that it's too bad. Its just you and either accept it or leave it.
But then again, they would probably look at each other in puzzlement and ask each other "What did she mean by that?"
Amanda left skool at 6:32 AM
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Monday, May 10, 2004
Try this at http://www.naucon.net/misc/tests/love_test01.htm
1. You are attracted to those who are elegant and well-mannered.
2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you
feel irresistable is patience, never give up on you.
3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is stylish.
4. You don't like it when your partner is emotional and/or too
moody; and you don't know how to please him/her.
5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your
partner is that both of you can talk about everything and
anything, no secret is kept.
6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything
wrong after marriage.
7. You think of marriage as a precious thing. Once you get married,
you'll treasure it and your partner very much.
8. At this moment, you are quite self-centered; you think of love as
something you can get and trash anytime you want.
Hahaha.. wat on earth?!!
Amanda left skool at 6:47 AM
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Sunday, May 09, 2004
Sigh...this is the first day in a long long time since I've stayed home the whole day...
And it's killing me... very very slooooooooooowly.....
Haven't been feeling very good recently.. especially in the night. Maybe it's my staying up and playing SIMS continuously.
O well.
Trying to keep my temper in check too.
O well.
At least I managed to get up early in the morning for an early jog. Didn't really want to stop but had to because it was getting too hot and my legs hurt. I hate jogging.. but tats the closest I can get to excercising more often I guess. I think excercising has a sadistic side.. it hurts so much that you want to stop and yet at the same time it is exactly because it hurts so much that you don't want to stop.
Maybe I can wake up early tomorrow and go swimming.
Mmmmmm..
It's so obvious that I'm quite bored now..
To be honest, I'm quite heartbroken now... My favorite mocking snoopy has turned from a mocking mat to a mocking beng. How do I say this... it's like having somebody borrowing your favorite toy and when it is returned, you realise it's all vandalised and torn apart... it's no longer a toy but just a cloth wrapped around stuffing. Yea... it makes me mad inside.. argh!
Amanda left skool at 6:03 AM
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Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Where is Faipang when you need him
Amanda left skool at 8:45 AM
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Ha.
O well.
Amanda left skool at 7:48 AM
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Monday, May 03, 2004
So many people forgets that everything boils down to a two-way street.
To have a friend, then be a friend first.
To have trust, then be trustable first.
To have love, then love first.
Haha... but love is difficult to define love isn't it? No.. not that possessive type of love. Love as in really love with trust and everything else. Like what someone told me - it's so hard not to love back when you're loved.
Hahaha yep of course thanks. ;)
Amanda left skool at 7:03 PM
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Sunday, May 02, 2004
O my god...
I feel like a big-time.
O my god...
So this is how being a spoilt brat feels like.
Hahaha too bad!!! It's mine! All mine!
O my god...
I feel high.
O my god...
I am really a big-time. X 17
Amanda left skool at 7:47 AM
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Thursday, April 29, 2004
Do I not bother too much? When people tell me that I should bother, then I realise that it is true. Normal people would be bothered by it. I don't. But now the possibility of me should be feeling something grows. And suddenly fluttery panic seize me. This is what my mom says I am. I lose things because I don't feel it in time.
Amanda left skool at 9:09 AM
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
When I am free to play sims, I just have to get sick of it.
Grrrrr.........
Amanda left skool at 7:08 PM
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004
When you keep moving, people are willing to stop and speak and like you.. because they don't know you. But when you stop and live among them and be part of your life, they want you to change. It seems that everybody else knows how you should lead your life but no idea about living theirs.
- a memory from The Alchemist
Amanda left skool at 6:13 AM
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Thursday, April 15, 2004
One more week of school...
Just finished my web journal. Ha! Everybody should look at my 50th page. I really couldn't think of any more designs so on each page after that, I put individual letters on them. T-H-E E-N-D. And finally when you flip the last D, you will see the words, THE END staring up at you. Of course, I indicated to Shan that each page is equal to one frame. The whole thing is a flash file. I doubt he'll buy that though.
Can't wait for school to end.... can't wait to just sit infront of my comp and play SIMS all day or go out and hang out.
/me bangs head repeatedly against the wall.
I want to go into hiding for a while man...
Amanda left skool at 9:42 AM
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Thursday, April 08, 2004
Wow. Just had a gossip session (though i'm indirectly part of it) and feeling quite excited over something! Hopefully it'll fall through. May, come quick!
Thanks mom. =)
Amanda left skool at 6:06 AM
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Saturday, March 27, 2004
Was blog-hopping when I heard this song. Sounds quite like a christian song doesn't it? Was contemplating putting it up as a blog music so that you can reach the verdict but finally decided I should not CONFORM! Hahahaha! (yeah priya I'm talking about you ;P ) So don't be lazy go download and tell me your answer. Hahaha!
Artist: Aslyn
Song: That's When I Love You
When u have to look away
When u don't have much to say
That's when I love u
I love u just that way
To hear u stumble when u speak
Or see u walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love u endlessly
And when your mad cause u lost the game
Forget I'm waiting in the rain
Baby I love u
I love u anyway
Cause here's my promise made tonight
U can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love u
When nothing u do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love u
When I love u
No matter what
So when u turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made u cry
That's when I love u
I love u
A little more each time
And when u cant quite match your clothes
Or when u laugh at your own jokes
that's when I love u I love u
More then u know
And when u forgot that we had a date
Or that look that u give when u show up late
Baby I love u, I love u anyway
So here's my promise made tonight
U can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love u
When nothing u do can change my moind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
That's when I love u
When I love u
No matter what
Ohh that's when I love u when nothing baby, nothing u do could change my mind
The more I learn, the more I love, the more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love u , when I love u no matter what
Ohhhh no matter what
Amanda left skool at 11:02 PM
***
Thanks mom if you wanted to make me feel better.
But that's completely not what I want to hear.
Amanda left skool at 7:05 AM
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Friday, March 26, 2004
Fast Food Employee
Welcome to the world of greasy fries and fatty burgers. This job suits you because you like working with lots of peeps in a fast-paced environment. The perks are you may get discounts on the food and you'll probably meet new friends. The downers are you get greasy, smelly and sick of the food (fast.) Also, you have to wear a hairnet or paper hat.
You're a Dream GF!
You're a definite keeper. You're not needy or clingy and you're almost as much fun to be around as one of the guys! You know exactly how much space your guy needs and how to keep your own groove on while in a relationship.
You're A Feeler!
Although you can work well with others, you really prefer to go it alone. Your idea of a great Sunday afternoon is having the house to yourself so you can work on your latest masterpiece. You're in touch with the world around you and how others are feeling so you are best suited for a job as a social worker, painter, writer or a job that will exhibit all your talents, like a kindergarten or pre-school teacher. Imagine a day of playing house and finger painting while moulding the minds of others. That's a pretty cool opportunity!
Amanda left skool at 7:22 PM
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BROKE
Have been digging out all the coins, rationing them and sometimes even pooling them to eat for the past few days. Now, I'm left with 20 cents. Haha.... Priya, that is what I call broke... And now, my sister has volunteered to go buy breakfast for me. HAHAHAHA! But of course, it's vegetarian beehoon.... again! Oh well. At least I have breakfast. One meal down approximately four more to go.
Amanda left skool at 7:00 PM
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Whoolah! I survived today! =) And its time for a long rest............
Amanda left skool at 8:31 AM
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Thursday, March 25, 2004
Finally finished my work.... yawn.. only a few hours of sleep before starting on a super long day.
Sigh.. had so much fun just hanging out at Bugis.. Just laughing at nonsensical stuff and poking fun at my mechanical bear is just undescribably =).
Amanda left skool at 11:43 AM
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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
When you ask people to do things that should be done such as editing groupwork, you can be sure that it won't be done. But when it comes to invading peoples' privacy and editing their own personal writings, you can be sure these people would jump up at the chance.
This is my blog and I do anything I please.
Even if it is jafl;akjd jf;ioejjfdakjf;lka.fjad;kljfz
a;kjdflk;ajflk;dja;ljfa;ljflkdjfk;ldja;lkjafiearioearuwoiur
iatu;oiejfklajf;ljafljadfljdalfk;jdlak;jfa;lkjf;lakjf;kljafdaakjf
Read this if you want to. You have the choice to read it or not. If you choose to read it, then its too bad. Because you are reading MY blog. If you don't want to see, then don't read MY blog.
Being nice is really wasted on some people. Thanks for your lesson in life that there REALLY IS some people like you out there though. Lesson learnt? I shall not waste further time and energy by doing anything personal things (which includes replying to the oh-so-beautifully-edited email you sent me) with these type of people.
P.S: Ask for my permission if you want to use my work. Being a media student, you should know about copyrights issues.
Amanda left skool at 5:11 PM
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Tuesday, March 23, 2004
There are just some fuckers in life whereby you can treat them nicely and give them a million chances to be civil to you but end up still acting as jack-asses. Perhaps I am the person who is wrong that being nice to them will result in this oh-so-beautiful-everybody-loving-everybody-world. This innate behaviour of theirs to be freaking rude with no basic courtesy and manners combined with their admiration for their self-pitying cynicism stains the world with the reek of sour bile. And they can still wonder why they are the victims of the world's contempt when they are the only prisoners and wardens of their god-forsaken prison world.
Amanda left skool at 5:14 AM
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FAITH
Amanda left skool at 5:07 AM
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Monday, March 22, 2004
You only see what you want to see.
You only back up who you want to be right regardless of who is at fault.
You never see the truth.
Damn it.
Nothing is ever fair.
So don't shout shut up when it is you who needs to go and do some thinking.
At least earn some respect if you can't be a role model.
Amanda left skool at 5:42 AM
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Saturday, March 20, 2004
headache...............
/me invisible
Amanda left skool at 8:31 AM
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I'M ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL~!!
Amanda left skool at 8:21 AM
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Thursday, March 18, 2004
I WANT TO SELL POPCORN!!!!
Amanda left skool at 8:42 AM
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Saturday, March 13, 2004
Boredom!!!
I'm supposed to be doing work now but I'm trying to find an excuse not to.
Inspired by waching Michael Jackson videos (Pang's influence there), I have tried out dancing like MJ. Not as if I'm of any similarity to a single move. Hint: I'm just jiggling here and there. Okay. So I've discovered that I'm no good for any MJ dance but I just have to dance. So, once again inspired by Britney Spear's Toxic video, it is with great embarrassment and shame that I have to admit that I'm downloading some of her videos. Hahaha.. Don't torment me with your mocking.
I've washed my once-white-now-black bear. Helloooo. It's clean okie? Don't judge a bear worth by its fur colour. Except that I had dumped it in the washing machine. When I opened it, I panicked to find its furry black nose all white. Some of the seams which had survived the numerous patching before washing had became wider and I wonder if its my imagination but it feels thinner some how. Oh well. Look on the bright side. It gives him a rugged been there done that look.
Suddenly i'm haunted by the memories of the bear making video that we've watched during lecture. The maker of my bear should watch it man. At least maybe there will be no bursting seams and there's a chance that its head wouldn't be flopping forward and backwards everytime I touch it because it's too heavy for the body. Not forgeting that maybe... (remember the way she pierced and tugged the thread with the eye) it's eyes wouldn't be staring accusingly up at me now. O well. it should be grateful to me. I've rescued it from the plastic bag in the past... plus the 12 years I've sheltered and and comforted him. Hahaha...
ARGH!!! After talking so much lame rubbish, it's only 10 min??!! What on earth......
Amanda left skool at 5:59 AM
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Friday, March 12, 2004
Radish!
I made roti prata!
Ok. so what if it was instant roti prata..
And so what if I had it with canned curry..
I still made it! And its YuMMy~!
Amanda left skool at 8:46 PM
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Buffeeeeeet
Went out with Chen, Weili and Chi Heng to Marine Parade for Japanese buffet yesterday evening after class. It was greeeeat! Not only did they have Japanese stuff, they even have oysters, beef, chicken blah blah blah and nice ice-cream! The best part of it all? Watching Weili eat. Hahaha! He should go and film a buffet commercial man... the eating place will definitely have a full house after airing that commercial. Good money value for their model. =P
After reaching home, I was super tired... but there was online meeting at 12. So I decided to take a nap at 11. Even though I set my alarm, the next thing I saw when I opened my eyes was 315. Needless to say, nobody was online. WAH! Never even call me to wake me up for meeting!!! (and that sounds like reh)
Getting low on drugs and having fun stalking the talking bear. Who ask him to take drugs so often!! Hahaha! Just kidding. Cos I haven't had my fill of poking that bear! =P
Amanda left skool at 7:21 PM
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Thursday, March 11, 2004
I'm the only radish among all the other carrots.
- daily inspirational thoughts by the radish queen
Amanda left skool at 5:45 PM
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Tuesday, March 09, 2004
No one in..
Curtains drawn..
No lights on..
wow. I'm proud of myself.
Hungry though..
Amanda left skool at 4:20 AM
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When I said it once,
I thought you understood.
Mistakes done twice always get repeated.
Amanda left skool at 2:39 AM
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Saturday, March 06, 2004
A day of slacking and few words. Peaceful and nice in a way. =)
Amanda left skool at 6:25 AM
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Friday, March 05, 2004
*Yawn
I'm tired... and that's good. UNINTERRUPTED SLEEEEEEEEP!
Amanda left skool at 9:37 AM
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Thursday, March 04, 2004
Tiredness beyond sleep, frustration and wanting to see somebody = One Fucked up person
Amanda left skool at 2:25 AM
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Stop bugging me!!!!
Amanda left skool at 1:51 AM
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Friday, February 27, 2004
Maybe dreams are really our subconscious mind speaking to us.
Stop and listen.
It sees much clearer than out of our own eyes.
Amanda left skool at 9:08 AM
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Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Question Marks???
Sometimes, you just can't decide.
Whether you want to smile quietly or laugh till you burst.
And the weirdest thing is you can't understand why.
Amanda left skool at 9:39 AM
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Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Cold Mountain
I would highly recommend everybody to catch this show. The storyline is so beautiful and touching.. and yet so wretchedly real. Although I couldn't stay for the ending, I still loved it. Or maybe it is also why I loved it.. When you don't know the ending, you'll be captivated by the mystery surrounding it..
I have never been a big fan of war movies. I marvel at the soldiers' courage and patriotism of course.. but sometimes I wish I didn't feel so much especially when it isn't even real. It makes me question whether if it is even right for one to pass the judgement that another should die when one had barely set eyes on him. Worse of all, the reason of him deserving to die? The ideals and culture he was most probably brought up with. Is it their fault that their environment taught them all those? You don't even know him as a person.. witness his faults and strengths. And yet you claim you have the right to kill them?
Mmm.. I guess 3 am is really not a good time to be blogging.. yawn.. just a thought after the movie. If you managed to watch the show, tell me about the ending alright? =)
Amanda left skool at 11:19 AM
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Monday, February 23, 2004
Here's a good laugh for everybody
I was looking through my emails when I found this forwarded email from BZ a long time ago. Looked up you guys birthday months and it was hilarious man. You decide whether it's true or not =)
JANUARY: Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
[27th.] Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energies) adds a tone of
selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one
who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good
bit of time to be by your self to rest and meditate. Regardless of your
life path number, there is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in
most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be
broadminded,tolerant, generous and very co-operative. You are the type
of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends. You
tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you are able
to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.
So how is it shai? =)
MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint! . Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
[1st.] The number 1 energy suggests an increased measure of executive ability
and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A birthday on
day 1 of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very
often a rather original approach. This 1 energy may diminish your ability
and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad
brush. You may be sensitive, but your feeling stay rather repressed.
That's for u priya. Quite true right? Not really true for someone though. Haha!
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .
[31st.] Your birthday suggests that you are a good organiser and manager, an
energetic and dependable worker; attributes often showing success in the
business world. Serious and sincere, you have the patience determination
necessary to accomplish a great deal. Your approach can be original,but
often rigid and stubborn. Sensitivity may be present, but feeling are
likely to be repressed. You are good with detail and
insist on accuracy, but at times scatter energies. Practical thinker,
but not without imagination. You love travel and don't like to live alone.
You should probably marry early, for responsibility is necessary for your
stability.
Hahahahaha! Lala land! =P
OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves him. Loves to takes things at the center. Attractive and suave. Inner and physical beauty. Does not lie or pretend. Sympathetic. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Soft-spoken, loving and caring Romantic !!! Touchy and ea! sily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
[23rd.] With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to
work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very
good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at
times and need, change and travel. You tend to be very progressive,
imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A
restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient
and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk
responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an
excellent travelling companion.
Except for a few, it's u reh.. haha
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
[10th.] Your birth on the 10th day of the month adds a tone of independence and
extra energy to your Life Path. The number 1 energy suggest more executive
ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated. A
birthday on the 10th of any month gives greater will power and
self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. This 1 energy
may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead
to paint with a broad brush. You are sensitive,but your feeling stay
somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.
Not sure about this though..
Amanda left skool at 10:19 PM
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Thursday, February 19, 2004
Looooooong day....
Sigh... it's friday 8-6 again and I've been so bored.. Actually have been bored since last night.. argh... It's only one o'clock!! The clock is moving so slowly! Hurry up hurry up hurry up!! I don't want to stay here!!!!!!! =(
Amanda left skool at 9:11 PM
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Sunday, February 15, 2004
And here's to Reh who told me to download this song.. =)
Save the Best for Last Lyrics - Vanessa Williams
Sometimes the snow comes down in june
sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon
I see the passion in your eyes
sometimes It's all a big surprise
'cause there was a time when all I did was wish
you'd tell me this was love
It's not the way I hoped or how I planned
but some how it's enough
and now we're standing face to face
Isn't this world a crazy place
just when I thought our chance had passed
you go and save the best for last
All of the nights you came to me
when some silly girl had set you free
you wondered how you'd make it through
I wondered what was wrong with you
'cause how could you give your love to someone else
and share your dreams with me
Sometimes the very thing your looking for
is the one thing you can't see
but now we're standing face to face
Isn't this world a crazy place
just when I thought our chance had passed
you'd go and save the best for last
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for
is the one thing you can't see
sometimes the snow comes down in june
sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon
just when I thought our chance had passed
you'd go and save the best for last
you went and saved the best for last.
Amanda left skool at 6:08 AM
***
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Happy Day
There was nothing
and surrounded by everything.
But there was not a shred of envy.
A load off my guilty conscience.
My mom is hilarious.
I'm happy today. =)
Amanda left skool at 7:52 AM
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Sunday, February 08, 2004
Am I supposed to be excited?
But, I'm happy =)
And at peace.
Amanda left skool at 5:23 AM
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Thursday, February 05, 2004
Peeling Radish
Shit man... I'm peeling so badly and it itches and hurts so badly at the same time. Moreover, it's the type of peeling that the entire piece of burnt skin comes off, so the new pink-ish skin is revealed underneath.. It's not enough that I'm a freak but I look that part now too.. Argh.. I'm in different shades all over man.. So weird. And I'll have to be super conservative for next week or so.. Not that I'm not, just that i'm be even more. Haha =P
Amanda left skool at 8:25 AM
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Sunday, February 01, 2004
Why??
Why does this always happen? The main excuse is gone. I have all the more reason not to go back.
Why must you all make me? Why??
I don't want to see or talk to any of you right now. I don't want to set eyes on somebody.
And yet it has come to this.
Obligation. Which you know I won't refuse.
Enough. Enough. Enough.
Amanda left skool at 7:39 PM
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My Idol
Alright. So the greatest news about Neil Gaiman is that his birthday is on the same day as me right? I never thought anything else can make me more happy.
And guess what?
I found his official website! It belongs to him and there's his blog! Oh my gosh! I'm over the moon I tell you! And he wrote a movie which will be coming out this year! I can hardly wait! Ah!! Neil Gaiman! Hopefully you'll come to Singapore! Ah!!! Then you can definitely knock me down with a feather. And yes.. I've bookmarked his page. And have downloaded his e-books. =P
http://www.neilgaiman.com
You are the best!
Amanda left skool at 8:21 AM
***
Thin line between love and hate
You've been my excuse and also weakness for others finding excuses.
Come back to the right path.. then you'll get what u want..
Rest assured.. I don't want to see you. Not now. Not for a long time. Maybe never.
For I might hate you the minute I set my eyes on you.
I don't want to hate something I think is the only perfect thing I know..
You've got what you wanted. As usual. Nobody refuses you..
I bet some people are relieved by this.. other people disappointed to lose the main excuse..
Maybe it's true that I'm condemned without knowing I'm condemned and still fighting against the feeling of condemnation. Maybe I'll burn in purgatory..
If the two options I can see are condemned, then which one is the lesser of both evils?
Insomnia doesn't go away. It gnaws and saps away the energy..
I need my cocaine. =)
Amanda left skool at 7:03 AM
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Saturday, January 31, 2004
Slack and peaceful day
Went to the beach today.
It was such a lovely ME day. Feel slightly more like myself than trying to be myself which I had been for the past few days.
There are so many things to be happy about.
I saw this beautiful white butterfly that flew around me. I read and sunbathed and listened to the crashing of the waves. I cycled till my butt hurts (I know I have no butt, but it hurts all the more because theres's no cushion dumbass). And most of all, I found out that my idol Neil Gaiman (the writer) has the same birthday (10 Nov) as me!! I still can't get over it! =P
Anyway, to ensure that I won't get sunburnt again, I've only been in the sun at 2.30-4.30. 2 short hours of mid afternoon. Impossible to get sunburnt right?
Nope. The radish is burnt again! I didn't think it was that bad at first but it hurt more and more by each passing hour and when I've finally returned home, I am super red and aching all over man.. Argh. This makes me jealous of Lala all over again. Why you never get sunburnt one??? *$@$#@$&*%#@$^!!!!
The sky is the most beautiful artpiece. I've looked at it the whole of today and saw so many stars tonight! I've always loved looking at the sky and and I never fail to marvel at it. No matter dawn or dusk, afternoon or night, sunny or cloudy, with the sun, moon or stars, its never the same, but never less inspiring or magnificent.
Hahaha! I can hear some of u going "freak" or "weird" but as all radishes are freaks and weird, I guess it's just called being myself. =P Maybe I'm the 0.01% defect product of the human race but it's sure good to know most of the people I'm surrounded are part of that 0.01% too. =P At least that would be better than the straight, "moralistic" and nonchalent 99.99%. =)
I guess if "happy new year!" X app. 30 times would be too much isn't it? If thats true, then nothing can be salvaged right? =) I guess not. Hopefully, its not true. But what hope is there even if its not? Just a choice of no hope and a fatally no hope.
*yawn* finally feel tired after more than a week of horrifying insomnia. Hopefully I can get uninterrepted and a long peaceful sleep tonight.
Goodnite! And may I be myself soon..
Amanda left skool at 7:22 AM
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Thursday, January 29, 2004
Timeout
The spates of gambling and gaming for this period has gone on long enough with ridiculous stakes.
Caring too much about people who don't give a hoot is the bane of life.
The temptation of amputating the arm that is being slowly chewed off..
No hasty decisions should be made. Senses should feel the breeze and sunshine for now..
Trying again.... or maybe the decisions whether to try or not.. can be left for another time...
The weary insomnia freaks should catch up on their sleep.
The pathetic fool should continue watching their favorite anime.
The useless bums should do their work.
Enough.
Amanda left skool at 2:40 AM
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004
What do u call a game which changes its own rules according to its wishes, demands that u adhere to those stringent laws whereby u play alone but can't afford to lose?
Pathetic.
Damn u damn u damn u
Should i repent for my blasphemies now?
Some people just make me sick.
Amanda left skool at 4:55 AM
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Monday, January 26, 2004
Love
Ben once told me that there are 5 ways people show their love:
1. physical touch
2. acts of service - do things to serve people
3. gifts
4. words of affirmation
5. quality time
and each person is different in that they give love and recieve love differently. but they way one
gives is usually the way one receives best...
Do u still wonder why I admire him so much? =)
Amanda left skool at 7:34 AM
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Friday, January 23, 2004
Saying bye to my dear friends..
It was a sweet day. Filled with guy-ish slacking and fooling around. Miss you guys already... =) May I see you 2 soon..
Amanda left skool at 4:34 AM
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Thursday, January 22, 2004
Goooood Morning!
It's already another brand new day. So it's time to smile! Everything will be alright!
Amanda left skool at 6:20 PM
***
Ah... Faipang... what can I say?
*Phone rings
Me: Hello?
FP: Gong xi fa cai! Wan shi ru yi! Blah blah blah! (in cantonese)
Me: Haha! I dun really understand lah.
FP: Hey we go your house bai nian okay?
Me: Huh? Come my house?
FP: Yeah! I ask people to go already!
*Blood pressure rising
Me: WHAT?? You ask already?!
FP: Yeah! We come okay?
*Ready to burst
Me: Huh?! FAIPANG!!!! What did you do???!!
FP: Yeah! Ask JS already. He said okay!
*Pauses
Me: Huh?!! You asked JS? And he agreed?
FP: Yeah! So we'll be coming. (pause) And I'll ask Ghimz too and the others. Up to you.. see what you want.
Me: Mm..... er....okay. Let me know when u'll be coming okay? I'll speak to my parents.
My dear FP.... what would I do without you? =) Always make me ready to burst and always make me retract it all back. You $(*&^%$! Wolf in sheep's clothing! =) Looks like my new year would not be restrained to sleeping, eating, reading and watching tv afterall. Ah.. and it does seem I'll be seeing my dear soulmate soon. =)
There was no reply last night. Not that I expected any. Haha.. O well. What can I say. Maybe in some peoples' eyes, I've slipped through the cracks into Singapore Below... (non-Neil Gaiman fans, u lose out man)
*Breathes in.. Breathes out.
"Happy chinese new year. May you be happy always!"
Amanda left skool at 4:12 AM
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Tuesday, January 20, 2004
SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!
Eye Of The Beholder-Metallica
Do You See What I See?
Truth Is an Offence
You Silence for Your Confidence
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Doors Are Slamming Shut
Limit Your Imagination, Keep You Where They must
Do You Feel What I Feel?
Bittering Distress
Who Decides What You Express
Do You Take What I Take?
Endurance Is the Word
Moving Back Instead of Forward Seems to Me Absurd
Doesn't Matter What You See?
Or into it What You Read
You Can Do it Your Own Way
If It's Done Just How I Say
Independence Limited
Freedom of Choice
Choice Is Mad for You My Friend
Freedom of Speech
Speech Is Words That They Will Bend
Freedom with Their Exception
Do You Fear What I Fear?
Living Properly
Truths to You Are Lies to Me
Do You Choose What I Choose?
More Alternives
Energy Derives from Both the plus and Negative
Do You Need What I Need?
Boundaries Overthrown
Look Inside to Each His Own
Do You Trust What I Trust?
Me, Myself and I
Penetrate the Smoke Screen I See Through the Selfish lie
Doesn't Matter What You See
Or into it What You Read
You Can Do it Your Own Way
If It's Done Just How I Say
Independence Limited
Freedom of Choice
Choice Is Mad for You My Friend
Freedom of Speech
Speech Is Words That They Will Bend
Freedom with Their Exception
Do You Know What I Know?
Your Money End Your Wealth
Your Silence Just to Hear Your Self
Do You Want What I Want?
Desire Not a Thing
I Hunger after Independence Lengthen Freedom's Ring
Doesn't Matter What You See
Or into it What You Read
You Can Do it Your Own Way
If It's Done Just How I Say
Independence Limited
Freedom of Choice
Choice Is Mad for You My Friend
Freedom of Speech
Speech Is Words That They Will Bend
Freedom no longer frees you
Doesn't Matter What You See
Or into it What You Read
You Can Do it Your Own Way
If It's Done Just How I Say
Amanda left skool at 5:14 AM
***
It never rains but pours.
Even those things you take precautions not to happen, will happen.
Amanda left skool at 4:47 AM
***
So it's downhill after a week of extreme optimisium (or whatever. just fill in the blank). Maybe I'm stupid enough.. to always get back into this position with people when I just don't get the hint and just keep trying and trying. And all I get is hitting a blank wall. Always this.. I try harder and harder.. much more than I should. But after a period of trying so hard, I would give up totally. I dunno whether it would happen.. but I fear it would.
Once again my mom had done it again. Other than secretly moving the coffee table into my quished up room a couple of days ago, she had wrapped up my bears in plastic bags now. Probably for some good cause for which nobody knows, but there's definitely no humour at all to see my bears suffocating to death. They look so goddamn pathetic with their heads rammed between their paws and legs and straining at the plastic. Downright Pathetic - the magic words again.
O yeah! Did I mention something? I love tuesday lectures days!
It's just time to say "Thanks a lot world! For everything! Every single one of them!"
And here's to shai for asking to meet me when I was making my way home. Everytime when I decide to be a good little girl and go home, you make me hang out and get in touch with my meena's roots. =) Haha my mat partner..
Amanda left skool at 1:17 AM
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Sunday, January 18, 2004
"People are only answerable to themselves and God"-Reh
No.. It's not that I can't let go of something which doesn't exist. But I do wish that you'll be beside me.. talking and laughing with me. There's so many things I want to tell u.. and yet I wouldn't say any of them cos if I could, I would talk abt the present and being with you instead of focusing on the past. Just to talk.. why is it so difficult to fulfill? I need to talk to u so badly.. Sometimes I wonder. How can people not feel the intensity of some feelings that others radiate out for them?
It's all nothing but a dull throbbing. Sometimes maybe even I am just reminded for convenience sake.
There'll be no tears wasted isn't it? (slightly a bit too late for that..)
Well.. there's always other things to be joyful about right?
Either I'm really becoming optimistic, or I'm just becoming cold inside.
Amanda left skool at 11:38 AM
***
Rules of Healthy Living
The only way to have control over life is to not run away.
The only way to be carefree is to let go of what you can't control.
The only way to attain peace is to forgive yourself.
The only way to not feel hurt is communication & acknowledging there's a reason for everything.
The only way to gain respect and identity is to find your true self.
The only way to smile with happiness is to understand the above.
amanda's logic of healthy living. =) There's always something we feel is worth waiting for. But if it wants to go.. let it go.. in the sense of releasing the grip it has on your life.. the ability to propel ur direction and being.
My dear Reh.. u gave me 2 choices. To stop looking or change the criteria/rules. I've thought about it.. hahaha! I even have to think about it..
I choose to stop looking. =)
One of the family friends came over today. My sis blotted out even before me. And I was just about to make a dart for it, the doorbell rang. In the end, when I was leaving, this ridiculous conversation took place:
Friend: So where are u going? Go dating isit? (*hahahahaha silly laughter)
Me: Err.. er... no.. no.. (*me frantically look down at my shoes) I'm going to the library. Not dating.
Mom: If only got go dating ah! Blah blah blah blah blah..
*me out of door in less than 5 secs.
My mom rules.. seriously.. I'm speechless.
Amanda left skool at 6:19 AM
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Thursday, January 15, 2004
My Squeaky Clean Image
Woolah! I've been paired up with so many guys in these recent weeks man.. So many rumours, with contributions from my dear priyadakshini, ghimz and kris.. Hahahaha! It's not that I really care. Just really funny sometimes that I can't help laughing at how ridiculous everything is and how those stupid naive people will believe. O man! Scandals about me! Hahahaha!
Think I saw my fellow "soulmate" with his gf today. However was too tired to stop and call out to him cos I was on my way home. But he looks happy =) Always great to see someone so nice end up "happily ever after". But he's one of the rare success cases I guess. (Damn! No chances there!) But he does always put a smile on my face whenever I think of him or recieve an SMS from him.. although sometimes I don't reply! =P hahaha! But yes.. I do care a lot for u dear soulmate.. and I'll always be wishing the best for u. (other than the best being just u and me of cos *wink wink*)
P.S: This is another hazzard to my reputation isn't it? =) Add it on!
Amanda left skool at 8:56 AM
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Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Stupid Freaks
The narrow-mindedness of Singaporeans when it comes to certain issues is so astounding. What audacity do you have to laugh at people especially when you're supposedly an educated generation?! You're the one whom people look down at but you won't even notice because ur eyes are too fixed upon looking down on others.
Amanda left skool at 2:59 AM
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Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Secret to Happy Living!
It's books that makes u brawl your eyes out over the characters' lives that makes you appreciative and happy in your own. =)
Theory tested and proven with the author of this entry as a guinea pig.
Amanda left skool at 6:14 AM
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Statement of the day
"You will never find the right guy..." (dramatic pause)
"because he doesn't exist in the world."
=)
Amanda left skool at 6:12 AM
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Monday, January 12, 2004
I don't feel what I'm not supposed to feel.
tat's wat I was saying...
Amanda left skool at 9:31 AM
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Saturday, January 10, 2004
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amanda left skool at 9:54 AM
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